Why write a menopause letter?
We all know communication is key in marriage. But the menopause is hard to explain to someone who’s never even had a period. It’s even harder to explain when you’re in the thick of it, and struggling so badly with all the bewildering and upsetting symptoms that you can hardly see the wood for the trees.
To any woman who has searched and needed this page, we are sending you love and strength from all the women in the world who know what you’re going through.
Menopause Letter template To your Husband
Dear Husband,
There are some things on my mind that I want to share with you in this “menopause letter”. I hope we can have a really honest talk about all this, to help us get through this together.
I know I’ve changed and I don’t like it any more than you do. We’re both getting older together, but I’m going through something a bit different from you at the moment. Do you remember puberty? The hormonal roller coaster, the dramatic emotional peaks and valleys, and the scary changes to your body? I’m going through all that a second time. Pimples and all.
I desperately need you to understand that the changes in my behaviour are biological, not personal. I am still me. I still love you the same as I always have. I still need you to love me back, for better or for worse.
Menopause has also affected my emotional resilience. As you know, I’m often lying awake in the night wondering why I can’t sleep when I feel so exhausted! Insomnia is common during menopause. Sometimes a trivial setback can trigger intense emotions or even a meltdown, due to hormonal fluctuations. I don’t know where my self confidence went. Frankly, I’m depressed most of the time – along with 53% of all women during menopause.
Sometimes I get sudden flashes of anger. I’ve been told these happen to some adolescent boys, so maybe you understand what this feels like? Anger flashes happen to 42% of women who are going through menopause, so I’m not alone. More than anyone else in the world, you’re the one who could help me with all of this. I just need to know that you’ve got my back.
I’m sure you’ve noticed I’m getting forgetful, having difficulty concentrating and sometimes getting flustered. If you think this is annoying, imagine how much it irritates me! These moments are linked to hormonal shifts and they’re temporary, not a permanent decline. I would love it if you could help me with gentle reminders, humour and patience.
I’m anxious and sometimes insecure about my performance at work. Did you know that 10% of women drop out of work during the menopause? And 1 in 4 think about it. The reasons are a “lack of support from employers and family, loss of sleep, memory and concentration problems and severe chronic pain”. Even though it’s harder than it used to be, I want to keep working and I’d love your support.
I’m upset about gaining weight. The average woman gains more than a stone and a half (10 kilogrammes) during menopause. One woman in 5 gains way more than this, and hormonal changes mean that most of the extra weight accumulates around the waist! My usual diet and exercise methods just aren’t working any more. It takes grit to stick to a ruthless diet, and your sympathy and moral support would really help me succeed.
I’m also noticing my hair getting dry and thinner and my skin changing too. It’s upsetting me. Do you still find me attractive? I really need to hear it.
I don’t have my old sex drive and sex often hurts. This doesn’t mean I don’t fancy you any more. I still think you’re gorgeous. I still need your touch, your affection and your hugs and kisses more than ever. I want to talk about how we can enjoy making love again, even though my body is confusing me right now.
Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts.
Is there anything else you’ve noticed in me that’s different? That is worrying you? I’m ready to listen to your thoughts now.
Your love and understanding are my greatest treasures, and I’m grateful to have you by my side through this journey. I believe we can rise to the challenges of all this together. I hope they will make us closer.
With all my love,
[Your Name]
Sources and More Information for your Menopause Letter
Menopause and Divorce
70% of divorced women say that the menopause was an important cause – if not the main cause – of their divorce. There is a two-way relationship between menopause and domestic abuse: Menopause impacts a person’s relationships and domestic abuse can impact menopause symptoms.
Find out more about the link between divorce and menopause.
Menopause and Unemployment
10% of women drop out of workforce because of the menopause, and 1 in 4 think about quitting work. The reason? Lack of support from employers and family, loss of sleep, memory and concentration problems and severe chronic pain.
Find out more about the link between unemployment and menopause.
Menopause and weight gain
According to the British Menopause Society, evidence from the SWAN study and The Healthy Women’s study suggests that on average women gain approximately 1.5kg per year during the perimenopause transition, resulting in an average weight gain of 10kg by the time menopause is reached. Most of this weight accumulates around the abdomen and upper body.
Find out more about menopause and weight gain.
Menopause and Depression & Anxiety
53% suffered from low mood and depression, 50% reported anxiety, 42% reported anger and mood swings and 33% reported feelings of worthlessness.
Find out more about the impact of menopause on mental health.
Menopause and Suicide
The commonest age for women to commit suicide is during perimenopause.
Find out more about the link between menopause and suicide.
